By Thomas Merton
The 3rd quantity of Thomas Merton's journals chronicles Merton's makes an attempt to reconcile his hope for solitude and contemplation with the calls for of his new-found star prestige in the strictures of traditional monastic life.
Read Online or Download A Search for Solitude: Pursuing the Monk's True LifeThe Journals of Thomas Merton, Volume 3: 1952-1960 (Merton, Thomas Journal of Thomas Merton) PDF
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Additional info for A Search for Solitude: Pursuing the Monk's True LifeThe Journals of Thomas Merton, Volume 3: 1952-1960 (Merton, Thomas Journal of Thomas Merton)
So I remain both certain and uncertain. What am I certain of? If it were merely a question of satisfying my own desires and aspirations, I would leave for Camaldoli in ten minutes. Yet it is not merely a question of satisfying my own desires. On the contrary: there is one thing holding me at Gethsemani. And that is the Cross. Some mystery of the Wisdom of God has taught me that perhaps, after all, Gethsemani is where I belong because I do not fit in and because here my ideals are practically all frustrated.
I do not see how I can possibly write the books I am now supposed to write. At the moment I think I would rather lie down and die than attempt the book everyone thinks I should write about St. Bernard: as if someone who just made a vow of virginity was told to get married12 One of the best things that has ever happened to me is this decision. Fruit of one of the worst trials of my life–4 days last weekend–real tribulation–ground between millstones. At that same time Ann Wasserman 12 He would, in fact, finally write the book: The Last of the Fathers, published by Harcourt, Brace & Company in 1954.
Then a letter came from Paul Hindemith, or rather from his wife, asking if I had anything he could use for a “Responsorial Chorus” for some youth convention. ” Curious that now suddenly a lot of people know all about “the vault”–know more about it more than some of my brothers in the monastery. Will they have to find out about St. Anne’s? Will I run from one solitude to another like Little Eva across the ice floes, with the public right behind me? Here comes more rain. Anyway, I have been writing something for Hindemith.